Funny Pics

Rear view of the new sweaters. We're getting them ready for the home coming football game.
Trixie didn't want to be caught on film with her new sweater. We captured this shot as she was backing out of the photo.


My son on the sofa with Trixie and Wilson the parrot. Notice the Lava lamp?


Trixie is notorious for stealing my wife's camera and taking pictures of herself. She thinks it's just sooooo funny, every time my wife notices a random picture of Trixie on her camera. Reminds me of looking up close at a door knob.

MAJOR dental work

I promised several readers that I would embark (so lame I know) upon an event that could take several sittings to explain in full de-tail (I'll stop with the silliness). No we didn't remove Wilson's tail. I'm going to explain the event in reverse as the twist is in the beginning of the story.

If you look closely at some of the pictures within this blog, you will notice that Sir Wilson's tongue pokes, ever so slightly, out of the left side of his mouth. That's because he has roughly 3 to 5 teeth and the path of least resistance is on that side. It almost looks as though he's sucking on a piece of cooked holiday ham. If he's happy and relaxed, out pops his tongue.....hello! At times he looks drunk. When we took him home from the vet's office, he was sentenced to a strict diet of mushy, water saturated, dog food. He was eating like a champ, even faster than Trixie, who to this day, has never actually tasted her food. We had never seen Wilson devour his food this fast.... ever. I think it was several months of recovery, for this little feller, until he could bite something hard again. The surgery took several hours of pulling, clipping, sanding and duct taping, in order to rearrange his teeth and jaw bone. Mind you, he only went in to have a few teeth pulled. He and Trixie had a scheduled appointment with the dentist, because evidently this Chihuahua breed has issues with baby teeth not falling out in order make room for the adult teeth. Trixie looked like a wild boar, featuring several teeth protruding at right angles from the rest of her teeth. Her lips could barely close around her mouth, what a mess she was. Wilson, as well, had a few stray teeth, but not as bad as his twin sister, the sloth. So, you can see why the visit was essential.

Next time I will reveal an incredible, medical discovery. Never before, in the history of dog dentistry, has this ever occurred.......

End of part one.....to be continued.

Bonker Balls

No stones were left unturned this past weekend while looking for two Bonker Balls. My wife purchase a three pack of miniature, cloth style balls from the local super market, this past Saturday. If you've read my previous post from last week, you will understand the ball dilemma that is rapidly approaching. She brought the new balls home and introduced them to Trixie and Wilson.......BINGO!!!! We have a winner. Both dogs were ecstatic over the new toy. My wife called me at work and reported the great news immediately. That evening I came home very excited to inspect the new Bonker Balls that our puppies love so much. This really is a big deal as the old ball is on it's last leg. That old ripped up ball (apparently one of a kind and impossible to imitate) doesn't even resemble a sphere anymore, of any dimension.

me.... so...where are the new balls? Her...hummm can't find them....Me.... Ok,I'll help ya look for them. They have to be someplace.

Well, we spent the good part of an hour looking for these things and came to the conclusion that;

a) they were sucked up by the vacuum cleaner.
b) the dogs had a hiding spot unknown to humans.
c) they were mistakenly tossed in the garbage.

If you picked C, then you are correct. My wife remembered putting the new Bonker Balls in the pockets of an old shirt of hers. Her intention was to give the dogs the old shirt as a play thing, kind of like hide-and-seek with the balls. She forgot the balls were in there and threw the shirt out prior to heading out to meet me for dinner. The next day she purchased a new trio of Bonker Balls. The dogs still love them.....they are actually bonkers over these things. They appear to have tiny bells in them with little slivers of material sewn into the covering. They truly are what the name says...Bonker Balls. Plus, we went bonkers looking for them all night.

Have you ever wondered?

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to stick your hand in the entrance way of a hornet's nest?.....chills run down my spine. Have you ever wondered what it would be like to stick your leg in a lions cage at the zoo, and wait for Leo to come over?

I gotta tell ya, I was darn close last night to loosing a limb. It was late and the dogs were still up. It may have even been past their bed time...I don't know. Wilson was in the other room chillin out with my wife. Did I ever mention that he's like a miniature shadow. He would follow her off the balcony and sail 3 stories down, that's how close he stays to her at times. She tells me he gets like that because he's tired and wants to be held, makes sense to me. Any hoot, I'm hanging with Trixie, by her little cozy bed, rubbing her belly, trying to make her laugh, well, you know, trying to get her to spazz out. Nothing....... OK, a brilliant idea pops into my head. I'll try the cookie thing on the sly and give her a treat with out Wilson finding out. I whispered the word "cookie" and she jumped up and ran to the supply closet in the kitchen. I don't know how Willie found out we were sneaking cookies, but he was right there in a flash, waiting for his share. I think Trixie was a bit perturbed that Wilson some how, caught wind of the late night snack that only she, was about to enjoy. I removed the usual 6 niblet ration from the container, 3 each, and dumped the yummies on the carpet in front of two, ever so patient, dogs. I swear they did not chew, as I did not hear a single crunch. Just then, Trixie started to snub Wilson as if she was angry at him for butting in on her snack. Maybe she thought, if he had not been there, she would have had a double portion of pellets. Well, that's when the "fit hit the shan" (I love that saying). Trixie and Wilson went into a frenzy. I was witnessing a frothing lather of intermingling teeth and dog cursing. I had never been so close to this behavior before. Every now and then, they get into it and we'll hear them scuffling. This time, I had a front and center, ring side seat to the biggest fight in town. Seconds seamed like minutes as the rumble continued. I decided it was time, I needed to jump in and breakup this mess before someone lost a tooth. Without thinking of the consequences I stuck my hand..........right inside the nucleus of all this lather and foam. PRESTO!!! Instantly they stopped. It was like magic. I did suffer a small flesh abrasion which has since vanished. I learned something valuable last night. Never try to sneak food to only one dog, it can't be done. I now have no curiosity about what it would be like to stick my hand in a hornet's nest.

Both Ends YUK

Here's another medical story about good 'ol Mr. Wilson involving BOTH ENDS. I feel sorry for Trixie as much as I do for Wilson on this one. Both dogs sleep in "The Cage" at night as this is their venue to feel safe from the night's creepy sounds and mysterious shadows. My wife is the one who opens the cage in the morning only to release the hungry lions who have been waiting patiently for 9 hours, to eat again. One morning, only one dog made the sonic speed exit out of the starting gate... it was Trixie. One could not tell if she was running for something or running from something... she looked very worried. Wilson was still in the cage, ut oh ........shall I say "both ends were fully activated" and working overtime. At that time I was invited to come into the kitchen and witness the poor thing having the worst morning of his life and to discuss what in the heck to do with him. Should we bring him to the hospital?.. she said... I said...I'm not a vet, but I can make an executive decision when it comes to dehydrating...... fast forward-------> About 24 hours later Wilson returned with medicine and instructions. Yes he stayed over night....CHA CHING!! think it took a few days of him eating cooked rice to return back to normal. Still the vet could not figure out what caused Wilson to turn inside-out, except that it was probably a stomach virus.... no kidding!!
The saddest thing was that Trixie would not go near Wilson for about 4 days after the blow-out. All she would do is growl and turn her back toward him in complete disgust. No sympathy from Trixie....she wanted nothing to do with her sick brother, who was exploding like Mount Vesuvius.

I'm sure glad one of the dog purchase "conditions" was, that I would not "be able" to financially contribute to vet visits or vet hospital visits. Seriously, I can't afford it. Funny as it sounds, my wife and I keep our money separate. My financial situation is all mine and her money is hers. Yea.. we split the monthly bills such as rent, food, insurance and car payments. You get the drift...it just works great for us.

That being said, I feel I can discuss Trixie and Wilson's numerous visits to the emergency room and doctor's office visits, with out holding my hand on my credit card and yelling....CHA..CHING!!! My wife, on the other hand, needs to sit down and nurse the inhaler, anytime we as much as brush upon the subject. I know she reads this blog, so I will not disclose any dollar amounts. Her arithmetic falls below pre-school level when it comes to dollar amounts beyond 3 figures, that relate to the dogs. It's sort of a built in safety device she has going, for sanity purposes.

...........The incidents you about to read are not in chronological order... I writes-em, as I remembers-em................

I will post only one at a time as there are many... and you need to get back to work.

The Dog who ALMOST had Bald Feet

Wilson gets the first story as he has more of them. My wife said to me one day, "It seems as though Wilson can't stop licking his feet"..... OK..well, um, if it's a problem after a few days, we should check into it? Few days go by and I forget all about it, but what made me remember was, my wife kept saying to Wilson,"stop licking Willie". At this point I found that it would be in my best interest to blurt out..."I'll Google it tomorrow, no worries". Never did...doh!.............fast forward...Wilson returns from the vet, diagnosed as having a foot fetish....NICE!!!! There could have been a few things wrong with this little feller like, allergies or a hot spot on his toe or dry skin...but NOOOO, he's a freak for his own toes! The vet said that he may eventually lick all the hair away from his feet if he continues for any long period of time. The hair on his feet would never grow back, is the bonus. Could you imagine that? Poor little guy!! Now, I'm not really sure how the problem ended... but it's been several months and to this day Wilson still has hair on his feet.....phew. Maybe it's not over or maybe he's in remission, but I haven't heard my wife telling Wilson to stop licking his feet in a long time. She actually has the unused bottle of,napalm, tongue repellent spray that was prescribed by the vet. It seems that this disgusting medicine requires the person who administers the dose, to wear gloves.....what? seriously?. The smell is beyond any one's wildest imagination. My wife opened the bottle just to smell the stuff, and you could hear people for blocks around yelling, "what is that foul disgusting odor". I don't think Wilson would mind having bald feet, at least he would still have friends.

Did she say "off the sofa?"

OK, so sometimes they forget the golden rule...NEVER go on the sofa without being invited. That may sound silly but could you imagine the chaos and the hair? For-get-it. My wife is a clean freak and rolls this tape roller thingy across the sofa at least 5 times a day. This thing does wonders, lifts the hair right off the sofa and onto the tape roll. Then you peal off the top layer only to expose a fresh layer of masking tape.... glorious invention to say the least.

At night my wife spends a few hours of quality time, on the sofa, watching silly shows on the idiot box (TV, thanks mom for disposing that word in my brain when I was a child...well... a smaller child than I am today). I am not a fan of what's on TV these days as I get bored quickly or fall asleep within seconds after hitting the sofa. The dogs are lap dogs as much as King Kong was a gorilla. You can not expect to sit alone on our sofa at any time of the day. Trixie and Wilson will jet right over and look up waiting for the command to leap onto the sofa. There was a time when they would jump right up without waiting for an invitation....that's right...could you even imagine behavior like that? They would just leap right up, without hesitation, and take over the sofa like wild dogs. Not now... it's a very formal and proper procedure. Dogs MUST wait for the invitation. Of course once they're up there all hell breaks loose between them, looking for the right spot to nestle. Wilson's a "top of the legs" sleeper and Trixie finds a spot close to the face and against the back of the sofa, kind of like a wedge. Sometimes they forget that they need to be invited .... leap right up....! You were not invited!! Get off the sofa and wait to be invited!! Good puppy. It would be completely impossible to introduce the invitation method with their feeding frenzy routine at dinner time.

A few precious moments in time have been documented as seen in the photo above. As best as I can recall this photo was taken shortly after my wife dressed them up in their new winter coats. I think she was laughing soooo hard that she couldn't shoo them off the sofa nor could any sort of command be understood.

As you can see they had no idea what the heck my wife was saying......huh?...she did say we could sit in the sofa, right?

K9 500 at Kitchen Motor Speedway

There's Wilson in an empty dog food bag snorting dust. That's Trixie standing at the kitchen closet taking dog food inventory. Pay no attention to the round dial like thing to the far left. That would not be a light timer used as a plug to cover up a small passage under the dishwasher. The dogs at one time were small enough to squeeze into that cave. Three years later the plug is still there. We kind of got used to having it there, so why not leave it, right? Another thing comes to mind as I look at our kitchen floor. Trixie and Wilson used to loop through the kitchen and around the hallway and back to the other end of the kitchen. This chase would continue for about 500 laps, very much like NASCAR. They went as far as incorporating the two sofas and had developed a road course. Those pups could fly!! One day the racing stopped and the loop was shut down. Trixie stopped going in the kitchen completely. Even food couldn't pursued her to step foot in the kitchen. We figured out that she may have slipped and slammed into the refrigerator ...or something. I had warned Trixie to pit every 30 laps and check her tire pressure or she's gonna git loose and get wrecked. She never listened to me. The K9 500 at Kitchen Motor Speedway is now a fond memory and will go down as being one of the cutest moments ever.


Trixie has slowly rehabilitated herself back to tiptoeing through the kitchen, this time in search of crumbs. Crumbs that have made their way off the counter and onto the floor during my early morning lunch preparation. Her nose is to the floor like a bloodhound licking up microscopic molecules of organic dust.

FAQ's

Listed are a few questions and answers. Thanks for the e-mails.

Q. "They are so cute... are they brother and sister?"

A. Not only are they brother and sister, they have the same dad. Bonus answer.... their birth date is the same as my son's, November 6th.

Q. "Why is Trixie so much bigger than Wilson...."

A. First let me say this about Wilson.... he is really small, so you can't compare anything to him, not even a piece of gum. Trixie is quite the average size and weight according to the vet.

Q. "When is the dentist story coming out?"

A. GEE Thanks! Bring up a sore topic.... no pun intended. That story may actually be a 3 part series as I'm not sure I can type that much in one sitting. And the answer is.....about 2 weeks. (you would think that I'm running for office the way I dodge the question... however I did give an answer related to the question, so I would not be good in office).

Q. "Wilson seems to be getting more attention than Trixie in this blog."

A. Actually in real life, Wilson is the one who wins the hearts of many. He certainly knows how to manipulate for poll position. Trixie runs on 98 octane and Wilson runs on about 15. He's a bit slower....his choice, but he gets more attention.

Q. "Poor dogs, how could you dress them up like that!!!!????"

A. My wife had the perfect response to this one........ " I listen to their barking constantly...it's payback time." Actually though...Wilson really doesn't seem to mind.... Trixie can take about 20 seconds of one costume then it's off to the next one. Do you think the people who invented these costumes for dogs are saying, "this is so cruel......I hope we don't get locked up for this"?

I think it may be the non-dog owners that may have reservations about it.....nuf, nuf.

Q. You mention that they bark a lot.... have you tried to train them to stop?

A. I'm sorry, what did you say? The dogs were barking...

Not just any ball

Yup, that's a ball all right. It's the last surviving member from a perfectly matched pair accepted as a gift several years ago from Juana Martin Manzana, a very famous Gypsy fashion designer from Spain. The match to this treasure was destroyed by a pack of wild dogs, commonly known as the Trixons. They ravaged our home yet we were lucky enough to have saved our trophy puppies and one of the prized spheres, deemed priceless by Christie's of New York. The inner core of this ball (and I hate to degrade it by calling it such) is filled with pure 24kt gold threads loosely woven together, yet tight enough to allow for an 18" lift when bounced against the floor. The intricate, exterior patchwork is the finest silk from Kanchipuram, South India. If you follow the design closely, it actually explains the history of the worlds greatest hunting dogs ever to walk the face of the Earth, the Wilsonites. The breed is hardly ever talked about anymore as they are approaching extinction. A few are yet known to exist somewhere north of Ecuador and just south of NY City. But Trixie doesn't care about all that horse rubbish....... she wants to play ball. She's allotted only about an hour of playing ball a day. When Trixie gets up in the morning my wife tosses the ball for her to fetch and bring back. She's actually quite remarkable at this trick. It's not as easy as it looks ya know. I tried it and I looked like a complete human, plus, I could only do about 3 runs before collapsing to the floor. Then I tried it standing up and still, I could only do a few fetches.

We've searched for another ball just like this one, but there are none to be found on the face of the planet. This is truly an ancient artifact with powers beyond comprehension. If this ball ever gets lost, I'm sure both Trixie and my wife will need to be treated for depression, as neither of them can live without it.

Green Man

What is it with smelly old stuffed animal toys?

I haven't fully inspected Green Man yet, though he's been around our home for quite some time. I hear his name at least 2 to 3 times a day. I'm not sure how many we have, there could be 1 or 21 Green Man fellers roaming around our place. I see him in photos curled up with the pups. I've seen him flying through the air, hitting the wall and landing face first into the carpet. Trixie and Wilson take turns biting him and carrying him around. I'll walk in the living room and see them biting and shaking him side to side showing no mercy, for what must seem like hours to poor Green Man, only to drop him and finish him off with a thorough tongue bath. Oh I get it, beat the tar out of him, then feel guilty about it afterwards. At least our pups have a sensitive side to them..... Wilson has a routine that involves running to get Green Man prior to any major event. Hold on, I'll be right there, let me find Green Man first.

When Wilson and Trixie break condition #5, Green Man is right there breaking the rule with them. I guess so they can blame HIM for being on the bed. Often times we need to shuffle things around in their bed and when we pick up their little hairy blanket, out pops?.... You guessed it........Green Man. Ya see what I'm saying? Even you expected, that old and matted green thing to be hiding under the blanket. He's everywhere, he's everywhere.....run for your lives!!! ::

..........:::::::::::: NEWS FLASH :::::: Green Man sighting in NJ:::::Chiwawas step in and fight for justice:::::: film at 11::::::::.....

Green Man seems to be everywhere but in the shower....where he really needs to spend some time.

Wilson's friend

It's that time of year for Wilson's friend...

Every dog has friends right? You can usually tell who their friends are and how close they are to them. Wilson's closest friend is a small electric space heater named "Your Friend". Don't tell Wilson but his original friend burned out last year and ended up in the dumpster. The big news that week was that Wilson's friend died... what a roller-coaster of mixed emotions over a $20 over sized hairdryer. How was Wilson going to deal with this major loss? Without further delay, my wife secretly ran out to a local blablabla store and purchased a new portable, electric, plug-in heater by blablabla. She placed the new heater in the same spot where his old friend died, plugged it in and called him over. I think, if I remember correctly, he looked at it strangely for a few minutes, tilted his head as if to realize that his friend's voice had changed, plopped down and fell asleep. Who says you can't buy friends..lol. So, as fall approaches and Wilson's tolerance to the change in the weather diminishes, (below 90 degrees, good lawd get tough already dog), "Your Friend" gets plugged in for the next 9 electric utility statements or until Wilson's hair begins to smoke from laying too close to it.

Side Notes,

Could you imagine if we stocked up on heaters for him and hid them in the closet. We could open the closet door and yell "surprise". Talk about a surprise party with all his closest friends. hahaha

Wilson responds to very few commands, he understands everything...yet responds to the requests that benefit him directly and favorably. "Willie...go lay by 'Your Friend'", is one command he responds to every time. It's right up there with "wanna cookie?".

Trixie's friend lives in the closet in the form of a little yummy snack that resembles a small dog bone. Her friends name is Cookie. That's all she lives for and she acts like she never sees her friends.

South of the Boarder... Maing

We signed the pups up for Little League yesterday. I think they may be warming the bench for a few years as most of the other dogs are 200% larger...plus...Trixie spends way too much time eyeing up the snack stand and Wilson barks at every blade of grass that moves. Hey, they say socializing is a must, unless you want your dog going bizerk-0-witz when they encounter another dog at the poo garden...... Trixie has friends in low places, where the whisky drowns and beer chases her blues away.

NOW I've seen it all

Halloween came early by 2 months today. My wife decided to visit J.C. something craft store, in search of costumes for Trixie and Rabi Wilson. Wilson was more co-operative with the help of some praising. It takes him a bit longer, poor fella, to realize he's being set up. Trixie on the other hand has less tolerance with things strapped to her head. After an hour of fixing and prodding the dogs were ready for a photo shoot. Results posted......