It's all about the dogs: How could I say NO?

After 9 years of marriage, my darling wife decided kids are not an option, but owning a puppy would be the greatest thing in the world. I need to set the stage a bit first and try to explain to you why it may not be a good idea.. My wife is one of 10 kids actually she is the youngest of 10 kids. She never had pets as a child except for a handful of neighborhood cats that decided to make her house the local fast food stop. Kind of like how we all stop at McD's for a quick shot of sodium. Her first pet after we got married was an African Grey named "Peanut". The bird store owner warned her that "Peanut" was not a good choice as a first time buyer of exotic birds and would require plenty of work to gain her trust. Actually I'm not sure Peanut was a male or female bird. Come to think of it, maybe that was the crux of all of Peanut's issues, gender identity. I've had pets, plenty of them, and where are they now? Exactly::: They all die, which leads to plenty of crying and sobbing. I agreed to be partners with Peanut and make my wife happy. ....this is where I blanked out and almost lost my mind.....So to shorten the story, Peanut, after a year or so of squawking, chirping and yelling like someone was torturing it, needed to move out. We packed up nearly $2,000 worth of accumulated toys, swings, special tote bags, her cage, and took Peanut back to it's original owner. I don't even think we said good-bye to the bag of feathers as we ran like lunatics, as fast as we could to the car. As we drove away my wife and I decided that she had fussed over Peanut way too much and drove the bird insane. Actually that was my reasoning and my wife just agreed in order to squelch a potential long winded debate. So, perhaps you can see where this is going and why I needed put into place a list of conditions about her new pet Chiwawa. I know you're looking at the picture and thinking "pet?".....um yea...but there are two.

List of conditions;

1. I will not feed the dog as one of my chores. (Easy rule. Don't put me on the schedule to feed it, I hardly have time to feed myself).

2. I will not financially support, in any way, the new dog. (Talk about expenses. It's crazy when you have to budget for a pet).

3. I can not pay for medical bills for the new dog. (this actually falls under #2 of the list of conditions but I really needed to reinforce this condition).

4. I will walk the dog occasionally when I want to. (No brainer...).

***At this time I could have stopped because my list of conditions did not phase her. I needed to add one more which is a big one for me***

5. The dog is not allowed in our bed... ever for any reason. (all fur makes me itch. By the way, this rule has been broken way too many times).

Two days later my wife found an ad in the paper describing the dog she had been dreaming about. A phone call was made and off we were to interview HER new dog. Long story even longer, she ended up with a brother and sister pair of chihuahuas we later named Trixie and Wilson. (as shown in the picture at the top of the page. Wilson is actually my son's dog just to set the record straight).

notice his claws projecting out of his left paw. (the other left). Be advised that Wilson is less than 4 pounds at the time this picture was taken. He also had most of his teeth at this time. The dentist trip fiasco will be discussed in detail another day.

Trixie with the stare. She wants food. This picture captures the era when she was a few pounds over weight. Also observe the dagger-like claws protruding from her feminine hands.